Welcome aboard to my futile, never-ending ranting about cool things. Yes, you
heard it right. I hate FACEBOOK. I HATE IT. I HATE IT. The social networking
frenzy which was an addiction before has now simply turned to one of the modern day
monsters, ripping people off their ethics and common sense. Why so bitter
Priyanka??? That's because I log in to my Facebook account to catch up with
friends, share some pictures or videos but I am made to go through experiences
that one has in a past life analysis. Read on, you'll know.
1. It effing changes......every
minute!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why the hell does
this frigging thing change by the minute will always stay a mystery to me. An
unresolved bloody mystery that even Lord Voldemort couldn't think of. The minute you get comfortable with the
interface, they introduce hidden buttons, hidden tabs, hidden monsters etc. And you spend 1/3rd of your day, trying to figure how to
use the new features and voila, it changes again. They now have video chat
which will pop up and catch u in the worst of your face when you are hogging on
Oreos (which is what I am doing right now) and ensure you never get a video
call from the same person. New features added to chat, messages, and tiny popup
messages which according to me say “Did you know ?? Now Facebook has this brand
new shit which I can bet my ass on that you will never figure out, boo hoo to
you, little retarded noob “.
2. The apps requests I get...nuff said.
Oh, I bet most of you
out there are sick of the shit load of game requests people send. I know, I know most of them don’t even know how it just gets posted on to people’s walls.
But seriously, how do people even land up on such pages and apps???? STILL????
Love percentage, marriage date; next kiss date, next pee schedule, etc. Are you
consulting Facebook for life's milestones? Photo of the day, friend of the
day, stalker of the day, burglar of the day.... F*ck enough man!!!!! I know
Farmville was at a time the best remedy for dealing with emotional crises but
still??? I am sure most of my crops have snakes slithering on them and my farm
animals must have turned into vampires since I realized I am an adult. And btw,
who is such the dumbass that came up with Glassdoor??? WHO THE HELL
CONNECTS PROFESSIONALLY ON FACEBOOK???? One more Glassdoor request and I am
going to smash it on the sender’s face.
3. Status-Having fun at xyz’s house,
not enough fun to get log the f**k off Facebook though.
Photos-Only 2377
pictures of you gulping pint after pint at a friend’s house.
Why people why????
Can’t you just go to a place to relax and hang out??? Is it really the need of
the hour to click pictures from every angle possible?? You want to click for
memories??? Do that. But why are you spamming people with them??? Putting out
statuses about hanging out at a club, local grocery store, at the kennel of
your neighbour’s dog is not cool. It is clearly obvious nobody is talking to
you and you’re a loner out there.
The duck face shit
strewn all over Facebook. Semi naked chicks posting pictures taken in their
bedrooms and bathrooms are a rage. There will be about 300 likes and 200
comments with lots of muaaahhhh, awwwws, bhowwwws, never mind. The heart
and kiss symbol thrown in by every girl with the kewl lingo makes me shut my
lappy like Ranbir Kapoor in the Ultrabook ad. That is the only way they can
look cool it seems. Please get a life.
4. Groups, lists, battalions,
army....F**K!!!! Give me a break!!!
I am sick of the
friend "sorting" Facebook does. I don’t want to create 100 lists and categorize
my friends. I am not Monica from FRIENDS. I DON’T GIVE A SHIT!!! I am happy
with knowing I have only friends and acquaintances in my list, why the hell
should I sort them into close friends, good friends, school friends, college
psychos and potential killers??? I will not, so get lost!!!
Groups are the things
that drive me to the wall. Firstly, did u ask me before adding me there??? What
if I am not into neighbourhood soccer suckers? I am not into that shit,
don’t you get it? Its okay if you add me, I mean it has a rude option to “Leave
the group” with a door thingy. I find it rude okay?? You force me to storm out
of the group by posting incessantly every hour. I get a notification about it
every minute!!!! Else, the annoying group chat pops up and I sit there
witnessing people I don’t know or care about flirting, fighting and trolling.
5. The like if you get, share if you
care, post if you dare, 1 $ for every share....What is the option of not giving
a tiny rat’s ass???
I am sick of pictures
shared by emo pages like I will love you till the end, You are only mine, I am
a retard, etc .They say, like if you agree, share if you agree and the worst part
is, like if you GET it. Why wouldn’t I GET IT you freaking idiot??? You think I am
caveman with a club in his hand and a beehive for hair sitting with a laptop I
stole from the city??? I do get the sad or “funny” thing you just posted but I have better things to do than liking and sharing it.
Also, the gory,
mutilated, bloated, tampered pictures of sick people and babies all around the
world makes me want to poke my eyes till I go blind. Seriously, I very well
know half of them are doctored to increase web trafficking, yet they are
depressing. I would rather watch India TV news channel since they are masters of
exaggeration. 1 $ for every share is the shittiest thing I’ve
ever heard. Please stop playing around with people’s emotions. Also what
is with the LONG, REALLY LONG stories about two lovers either dying and the soul searching???
6. It's
breaking relationships. Really :(
Today, if you are
really serious about your guy/girl, the ultimate plunge is updating your
Facebook relationship status. Yes, you heard it right. Couples fight, cry,
argue and even break up over this silly thing. I have never understood why it is
so important, especially for girls. And guys keep looking out for better
options on Facebook and cheat on their girlfriends "technologically". The hottie from Chandigarh wearing revealing is-it-there-or-is-it-not-there skirt is the sensation among all her friends. you talk to her and you end up alone. Finished. Sad. Just SAD.
7. The
"SECURITY"......
Facebook security and
sharing filters is nothing short of a heritage Fort. You can hide it from a,
show it to b, show it later to c...what not!!!! This feature is known to about
20% of the people which is saddest part. Also, if you're account is so secure,
why do I still keep getting friends requests from distant countries with
messages like "I may or may not be a man of your taste but your beauty is
such that will enchant any man" from a 60 year old man????? Point to ponder
upon........
