Why I can't face Facebook anymore.....

Welcome aboard to my futile, never-ending ranting about cool things. Yes, you heard it right. I hate FACEBOOK. I HATE IT. I HATE IT. The social networking frenzy which was an addiction before has now simply turned to one of the modern day monsters, ripping people off their ethics and common sense. Why so bitter Priyanka??? That's because I log in to my Facebook account to catch up with friends, share some pictures or videos but I am made to go through experiences that one has in a past life analysis. Read on, you'll know.  

      1.   It effing changes......every minute!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why the hell does this frigging thing change by the minute will always stay a mystery to me. An unresolved bloody mystery that even Lord Voldemort couldn't think of. The minute you get comfortable with the interface, they introduce hidden buttons, hidden tabs, hidden monsters etc. And you spend 1/3^rd of your day, trying to figure how to use the new features and voila, it changes again. They now have video chat which will pop up and catch u in the worst of your face when you are hogging on Oreos (which is what I am doing right now) and ensure you never get a video call from the same person. New features added to chat, messages, and tiny popup messages which according to me say “Did you know ?? Now Facebook has this brand new shit which I can bet my ass on that you will never figure out, boo hoo to you, little retarded noob “.

      2.   The apps requests I get...nuff said.

Oh, I bet most of you out there are sick of the shit load of game requests people send. I know, I know most of them don’t even know how it just gets posted on to people’s walls. But seriously, how do people even land up on such pages and apps???? STILL???? Love percentage, marriage date; next kiss date, next pee schedule, etc. Are you consulting Facebook for life's milestones?  Photo of the day, friend of the day, stalker of the day, burglar of the day.... F*ck enough man!!!!! I know Farmville was at a time the best remedy for dealing with emotional crises but still??? I am sure most of my crops have snakes slithering on them and my farm animals must have turned into vampires since I realized I am an adult. And btw, who is such the dumbass that came up with Glassdoor???  WHO THE HELL CONNECTS PROFESSIONALLY ON FACEBOOK???? One more Glassdoor request and I am going to smash it on the sender’s face.

      3.   Status-Having fun at xyz’s house, not enough fun to get log the f**k off Facebook though.

      Photos-Only 2377 pictures of you gulping pint after pint at a friend’s house.

Why people why???? Can’t you just go to a place to relax and hang out??? Is it really the need of the hour to click pictures from every angle possible?? You want to click for memories??? Do that. But why are you spamming people with them??? Putting out statuses about hanging out at a club, local grocery store, at the kennel of your neighbour’s dog is not cool. It is clearly obvious nobody is talking to you and you’re a loner out there.

The duck face shit strewn all over Facebook. Semi naked chicks posting pictures taken in their bedrooms and bathrooms are a rage. There will be about 300 likes and 200 comments with lots of muaaahhhh, awwwws, bhowwwws, never mind.  The heart and kiss symbol thrown in by every girl with the kewl lingo makes me shut my lappy like Ranbir Kapoor in the Ultrabook ad. That is the only way they can look cool it seems. Please get a life.

      4.   Groups, lists, battalions, army....F**K!!!!  Give me a break!!!

I am sick of the friend "sorting" Facebook does. I don’t want to create 100 lists and categorize my friends. I am not Monica from FRIENDS. I DON’T GIVE A SHIT!!! I am happy with knowing I have only friends and acquaintances in my list, why the hell should I sort them into close friends, good friends, school friends, college psychos and potential killers???  I will not, so get lost!!!

Groups are the things that drive me to the wall. Firstly, did u ask me before adding me there??? What if I am not into neighbourhood soccer suckers?  I am not into that shit, don’t you get it? Its okay if you add me, I mean it has a rude option to “Leave the group” with a door thingy. I find it rude okay?? You force me to storm out of the group by posting incessantly every hour. I get a notification about it every minute!!!!  Else, the annoying group chat pops up and I sit there witnessing people I don’t know or care about flirting, fighting and trolling.

      5.   The like if you get, share if you care, post if you dare, 1 $ for every share....What is the option of not giving a tiny rat’s ass???

I am sick of pictures shared by emo pages like I will love you till the end, You are only mine, I am a retard, etc .They say, like if you agree, share if you agree and the worst part is, like if you GET it. Why wouldn’t I GET IT you freaking idiot??? You think I am caveman with a club in his hand and a beehive for hair sitting with a laptop I stole from the city??? I do get the sad or “funny” thing you just posted but I have better things to do than liking and sharing it.

Also, the gory, mutilated, bloated, tampered pictures of sick people and babies all around the world makes me want to poke my eyes till I go blind. Seriously, I very well know half of them are doctored to increase web trafficking, yet they are depressing. I would rather watch India TV news channel since they are masters of exaggeration. 1 $ for every share is the shittiest thing I’ve ever heard. Please stop playing around with people’s emotions.  Also what is with the LONG, REALLY LONG stories about two lovers either dying and the soul searching??? 

6.   It's breaking relationships. Really :(

Today, if you are really serious about your guy/girl, the ultimate plunge is updating your Facebook relationship status. Yes, you heard it right. Couples fight, cry, argue and even break up over this silly thing. I have never understood why it is so important, especially for girls. And guys keep looking out for better options on Facebook and cheat on their girlfriends "technologically". The hottie from Chandigarh wearing revealing is-it-there-or-is-it-not-there skirt is the sensation among  all her friends. you talk to her and you end up alone. Finished. Sad. Just SAD.

7.   The "SECURITY"......

Facebook security and sharing filters is nothing short of a heritage Fort. You can hide it from a, show it to b, show it later to c...what not!!!! This feature is known to about 20% of the people which is saddest part. Also, if you're account is so secure, why do I still keep getting friends requests from distant countries with messages like "I may or may not be a man of your taste but your beauty is such that will enchant any man" from a 60 year old man????? Point to ponder upon........