The Thinking Woman's Diary: Being "such a girl"

"She's a typical girl. She loves shoes. She loves going shoe shopping, right in mom's closet."

-Curtis Jackson

"Quit being such a girl, Priyanka". "I am sure you would want it in pink color". "What do you know, your'e a girl". "Do girls really know about stuff?" Sounds similar? These are the annoying questions that every woman comes across in her life pretty much frequently. There is one thing called gender stereotyping which we are not really complaining about. Because the world has stereotyped the stereotyping to such an extent that anything a person says or does is attributed to everything else but his or her individuality. What I personally cannot stand is when being "such a girl" is hurled at us as an accusation or even worse, an insult. I am not talking about men alone here, women also accuse each other of well, being a woman. The fault equally lies in us too since we take offence in being called a girl.Yes, I do understand that being "such a girl" is collectively associated to being unreasonable, vain, naive and well, a pain in the ass, But it's only fair to be called those things instead of attributing bad behavior to our gender, which btw one cannot change unless you win lottery.

Well I am not a man hater to begin with, hence I would really not jot down ways where we can make "such a guy" sound extremely offensive to the menfolk. But it doesn't mean I can't. I choose not to. I repeat. I choose not to. Spending a reasonably significant amount of time with the opposite sex, I can confidently say that yes, I really know them. And honestly speaking not one trait shown by most of the men commonly has offended me or made me say "you're such a guy!". No, I would rather embrace that difference as something inherent and make it seem endearing to me instead of annoying. Yes, it's possible. And there is nothing wrong in expecting the same kind of acceptance as women! Why do we need to be like men and trash our own belief system? In terms of work, relationships or just about anything, women these days are battling a tug inside of wanting to seem like one of the men and in turn losing their individuality. Yes, there are certain things men are really good at and yes we must constantly learn from everyone around us irrespective of their gender, color, ethnicity or just about anything. But we must also not let go or demean what we really are and probably even meant to be!

In no way my post is meant to hurt or attack men.I am blessed for not having to deal with the misogynistic attitude on a regular basis or maybe people know I will screw their happiness. Either ways it doesn't affect me. All I intend to do is urge women to embrace their individuality, don't shy away from what you really feel, express it the way you want to and don't try and be something you are not. At the same time work on your flaws for a better you, not to be like someone else. So to sum everything up I have listed few instances where I have been told to quit being "such a girl" and my mind goes "F%*k you, I am one".

• Pink. Dagnabbit! No, we are not the official mascot of Pink. We like Mauve, Wine Red, Turquoise, Magenta as much as we love Pink. And if a girl is obsessed with Pink, who cares! She likes it, she can pull it off so be it! And yes we are proud of knowing and pulling off every color in the world be it in our clothes, bags, shoes or whatever! And no, Purple and Lavender are not the same colors. 
• Talking way too much. Yes, we are super expressive about everything. We love talking. We can really really talk a lot. But why shouldn't one? You mentally feel lighter and you sleep well when you have spoken where you wanted to. Simple as that. 
• Crying. No, its not a sign of weakness. No, we are not vulnerable. This can be attributed to us being expressive. We can cry out a heartbreak or an emotional movie scene. We don't know how one doesn't cry when you feel sad. It just seems difficult to us but not impossible. But why not express sorrow when you can and be done with it? 
• Being too much into bags, shoes and makeup. Why can't men make their peace with it? We find it extremely cute how guys can take superheroes and football so seriously. Why can't we be left alone the same way? And fyi, I have known men looking down upon women who are not upto the mark in terms of fashion. But women don't really care if a guy is not into any sport so why judge those women who are not interested in reading Vogue like The Bible. Let's call it double standards, shall we?
• Being told how its our job to cook. No, it's really not. The only people whose job is to cook are the ones getting paid for it. We are just way too good in it. That one difference between women and men is yet to go away. We cook with lot of love. You can't take that away from us. We do it because we want to. It's one of our ways of expressing our love and not because our place is in the kitchen. And be thankful to the women who stayed in the kitchen to cook for you making you capable enough to say such things. A man's classy fettuccine with goat cheese and summer vegetables will kick maa ke haath ka dal chawal anyday. Beat that!
• Being picky about everything. We don't like regrets! Simple. I don't wanna go home with an ivory bag and regret when I see the same one in Burgundy carried by someone else. I am not gonna defend us on how we meticulously pick the curtains and sheets for the house because end of the day, the house looks beautiful! What I do is I don't drag impatient people along and then be picky about things. That's just not cool. And I would ask women to quit doing that and shop in peace, 
• Not knowing anything about Gadgets, Cars, Technology, Worldly affairs, Wildlife, Politics and just about anything remotely intellectual. This is the shittiest thing I personally have to deal with. I have kicked ass in terms of leading a conversation in the above mentioned things better than even a group of men. Not because I am out to prove a point but all these things genuinely interests me. And I didn't know how much I enjoyed reading and exploring about these things until I actually did. So I would suggest women to go out there and explore. You never know. The girl with the perfect nail art might end up taking interest in the Stock market equally. And I would suggest men who are sarcastic towards us, to ummm, get a life?
• Not letting go. Yes, we are stubborn. Whether it means letting go something we love that is not good for us or letting go an issue that bothers us. We are bad at doing both inspite of being very well aware of how important it is. It's not because we don't have the willpower or maturity to let go, it's because we always feel there is some room for improvement or a hope of transformation. Period.
• Being bitchy. Men bitch too. We all know that. 
• Remembering every little detail. This collectively benefits both the genders. The men won't admit but we remembering everything about them and for them has helped them massively as much as it has given us ammunition to fight as well. I would suggest, less fight and more help. Cheers!

There are some more serious and regressive accusations Indian women have to deal with. I would venture that zone with a slightly more serious writing. For know, it;s all about the freedom of expression and acceptance. And if someone accuses of being a girl, always say you are proud of being one!!!!

The Thinking Woman's Diary : Wake up calls and what happens when you answer them

"The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

     Chubby, spoiled, grumpy are probably the words my teachers remember when they think about me. Being one of those lucky few who could attend all the years of schooling at the same institution, I am also blessed to be remembered by all my teachers even after a decade of passing out. For other kids, it's usually the first few days of school that seem the hardest to deal with. But for me, it was first few years. I was the only kid who used to sit and cry till the very end of the day whilst sincerely doing everything the teacher asked to do. I used to miss my mother way too much. To make things worse, my poor working mother used to actually wait for almost half of the entire day outside the class so I would stop crying. But seeing her used to make me even more sad. My crying was not the usual wailing and stomping the foot. It used to be real tears of sadness. It might sound narcissistic but i was actually one of the most well behaved kids around (also read, very very cute). My relatives still swear by that! But I would just not stop crying when I was dropped off to school. So how did I cope with it? I would skip school! Yes, it sounds absolutely the worst way but that seemed the most convenient thing for me to do. I have made up excuses of having a pain in my heart to skip school. My family obviously didn't believe and made fun of my excuses but I used to physically feel that pain inside when I used to start getting ready for school. Obviously my mother had pampered me way, way too much (it's pretty evident even today) to force me into going to school. Most of my early childhood was spent in the comfort of my house with my Granny. And the rest of it was spent trying to survive the worst 7 hours of the day in school. I was one old peaceful soul who never wanted to go out and play but was super comfortable making up games in her own little space. Playing all alone. 

As I grew up and accepted the fact that I am too old to cry or be physically lifted and forcefully made to sit right inside the class so I don't run away, I also realized how lazy I was. I would never do my homework. The classwork books were incomplete. My handwriting was and still is beyond pathetic. My mother used to complete all my books. She used to hold my hand and do my homework and when I grew old enough to not do that, her hand stayed and mine moved away. My mother never complained or yelled at me because I used to surprisingly get good grades. My teachers were tired of complaining about my irregularity and laziness to my mother. They maintained one thing throughout that I am a very intelligent child but with a supremely lazy attitude towards life. My mother still feels bad about not being strict enough with me while I was growing up. I was the only child and I was genuinely very loving towards my family. And had a puppy face always ready to evade punishments. As I grew up I somehow had the arrogance of not being a conventional kid who needs to study everyday or even attend school everyday. To make things worse I transformed into this Lord of the last bench in the last 3 years of my school. I made sure I got punished everyday along with my poor friends. I was an absolute rogue who wanted to break rules and do every mischief possible in 3 years that kids had not done in 12 years. Yet, this never actually killed the smart child in me. I was one of those wonder kids who was made to skip one year of kindergarten for being too smart and well read for it. I was that notorious child in the class who never paid any attention yet knew the answer to any question that was asked. I used to give my teachers a lot of reasons to punish yet no reason to complain :)

Junior college and first 2 years of my graduation I was the female version of Sid (from Wake Up Sid, the movie guys!) Utterly spoiled, arrogant, had no clue about what life is all about. My grades dropped to below average. I didn't really have too many friends who could set me right. My mom somehow tried her best to make me a responsible person but I couldn't be just reformed. By then my friends, my family and my teachers were pretty sure I am not really going to be more than an average graduate girl. Who would lead a mediocre life and spend her mother's money. And no one really thought I would have any ambition of my own.

Fate had some other plans though. One massive blow on the academic front due to a serious personal loss bought me to the ground. The academic blow to me was so hard that I actually felt like a loser. Being average still seemed like the best I ever had. That's when I had the wake up call in my life. To understand what went wrong. To know how I need to prove a lot of people who wrote me off as a good for nothing spoiled brat. My arrogance never really left me even when I was beaten down. And even today, the one thing that brings out the best in me is my pride. Probably a wrong way to push oneself but hey, it works for me! Somehow the urge of making every person who wrote me off to appreciate me in the future made me a perfect student anyone could ever have. I used to make my own notes. Study like a maniac. I was sincerity personified. And not being a genuinely bad person at heart, even fate smiled upon me. I managed to gain a lot of respect at a place where I was practically written off as a good for nothing. And yes, I did successfully achieved what I wanted to (More on that part of my life later)

Today I am heading towards a very crucial and fulfilling arena of my life. It took me a lot of patience and hard work to get there. And by God's grace I have landed an oppurtunity that is only due to the hard work I had put in after my debacle. So yes! Everything has reasons! We must have patience and always remember that God's plans for us are far better than our own plans for us. Though I have not lost out too much in life by being complacent but yes my academic profile would have been 100 times more consistently better than it is today :) 

And what prompted this blog post was a visit to my school today. I was representing the NGO I am volunteering for. And I could see my math teacher smiling ear to ear seeing me all grown up and responsible. A child he has punished continuously for 4 years coz I sucked in math. Sadly.....very sadly, I still do....But I will change that soon :D Hopefully! :D