When I saw the God of Music and the God of Cricket

One thing that u should know about me is that I am the last person to be star struck. I will not even take the pains of getting up from my seat and leaning out of the window if there is a film star calling out to me :D Exaggeration but somewhat true :P But yes, there are people I admire from the bottom of my heart for their sheer talent and intelligence. People mainly behind the camera are the real stars for me. A R Rahman is what music is for me. Almost all his tracks are there in a playlist in my phone. Songs come and go but a Rahman track stays put. No matter how old it is. So you can guess how crazy I am about Mr Rahman. His humility is what won my heart. A man of his stature and fame is so humble about his achievements. Its just unbelievable. So, in the middle of my semester exam, taking utmost pain of travelling, spending one entire day for this and then burning the midnight oil next day for the exam. I did it all. I did it all for the A R Rahman Concert on 26th may at D Y Patil Stadium, Mumbai, organized by The Times of India Group. And my oh my, it was all worth it :) But my exam was not good (It was all out of course and I was so sad).

The way to the stadium was one heck of a journey. Nerul never looked so crowded. It looked like the entire city was there for the concert. Once the traffic woes ended, there were about 8-9 gates. Somehow me and mom managed to reach our seats. The summer in Mumbai definitely kills you. Specially kills me because staying in Pune most of the times, I am absolutely used to a non humid weather. Anyways, I am gonna list down stuff I loved and also the stuff I loathed about the concert.

One remarkable thing I noticed, that the ushers and the security professionals were surprisingly efficient with the impatient and mammoth sized crowd. There was no chaos or confusion. Moving on to the concert, it began about half an hour late than it was scheduled which was perfectly okay. I was expecting a delay of good couple of hours. That shows how professional the event organizers and the artists are. Ranjit Barot started with the drums and then came Mr A R Rahman. He sent the audience in a tizzy with his Nadaan Parindey track along with the awesome Mohit Chauhan ,which was followed with his other hit numbers from Rockstar, Tum Ho and Jo Bhi Main. Karthik was the surprise package who sang Roja Jaaneman and Hosanna in his amazing versatile voice. (I am absolutely head over heels in love with him). The one singer I was looking forward the most was Javed Ali. Oh man, he has the most soulful and soothing voice ever. He belongs to the genre of singers like Mohd Rafi, Sonu Nigam and Shafqat Amanat Ali. Javed Ali sang the sufi numbers along with Mr Rahman and some of his hit tracks. Harshdeep Kaur won hearts with the Katiya Karoon track. Natalie Luccio, a very talented Canadian-Italian singer sang beautifully alongside Mr Rahman. The concert ended with the electrifying Sadda Haq track uniting the audience and curtains came down with the the Vande Mataram track. Amazing professionalism portrayed by all the artists, ensuring their good three hours on the stage was well spent.

The OMG moment of the concert was when THE Sachin Tendulkar walked up the stage to greet A R Rahman. The whole stadium was roaring and cheering for him. He could barely even start talking and the audience almost deafened the stadium with applause. That was the most unforgettable moment ever. To be honest he just stole the show and Mr Rahman's thunder.

The things I hated about the concert was firstly, there was no host. I mean not even someone to introduce the singers from AR Rahman's troupe. That was just so unfair and disappointing. There were people who had no idea who Javed Ali is. It's just unfair to expect the audience to know everyone who is performing. A hardcore fan like me couldn't recognize few of the artists. That was just plain irresponsible. I mean the concert started abruptly and Mr Rahman came out of nowhere and started singing. And so did the other singers. It was utterly disrespectful towards the artists who are giving their best on the stage. 

Secondly, in the middle of the show they had shown the credits, which prompted many people to leave the show. I mean it's the common perception of people that credits only means the end of a show. Once the credits ended, the show resumed. That was just stupid. Plain stupid. 

Anyways, I had fun and sang along loudly to all my favorite songs. I can't resist okay???  Now getting back to my exams!!!! Bye Bye for now!!!!

Department-The funniest movie of the year

First things first, this review is nothing like a professional or an unbiased review. So don’t expect me to be nice. This post is actually my frustration jotted down in a very subtle way. Trust me, very subtle. I missed an exotic lunch for this. I wasted 3 precious hours of my life for this. I gave up watching Ishaqzaade for this. I risked my mental peace simply because I used to be a diehard RGV movie fan. Sadly, neither I am a RGV fan anymore nor a Sanjay Dutt fan. Curtains came down for me today.

This film starts off with Inspector Shivnarayan (Rana Daggubatti), an encounter specialist, running in slow motion wearing a police uniform, giving u a feeling of multiple déjà vu. There is a loud fight scene and then the movie moves on to Mahadev Bhosale (Sanjay Dutt), the DSP of an encounter squad. Again, there is a loud fight scene in a bar/naked stoned chicks dancing place. By now, if your ear drums are intact, the movie moves on to a weird man talking in the background about Mumbai and a shootout scene at Juhu beach. Shivnarayan is suspended and Mahadev asks him to join the department. Honestly speaking, if you really don’t concentrate like you did in your math classes, you are never going to figure out which department this is. I’ll tell you, they do dishum dishum and dhichkau dhichkau. That’s the frigging department. You’re welcome for the valuable piece of information I shared. Anyways. Moving on, somewhere in the background, there are 2 poor ladies thrown in the movie, Bharati (Anjana Sukhani) as Shivnarayan's wife and Padmini (Lakshmi Manchu) as Mrs Mahadev Bhosale. Their only screen space in the movie is to make dinner and dialogues like “uff aap sirf kaam ki baatein karte rahoge kya??” which are effed up and clichéd to the core. Also, they provide moral cleansing speeches in the movie. Moving on, the cops start the baddie hunting and killings. Cut to Sawatya (Vijay Raaz), a semi clad Mumbai Don, who by the way is the most malnourished don ever. EVER. His henchman is D.K. (Abhimanyu Singh) and his gun moll Naseer (Madhu Shalini) who is a really filthy looking creature, not a girl, CREATURE. The Sawatya gang scenes are insanely hilarious; they talk like struggling dons from UP somehow adapting to the life in Mumbai and the city’s accent. Cut to Mr Sarjerao Gaikwad, a gangster-turned politician played by the living legend (I am still in tears for RGV wasting an actor like him). How could Mr Bacchan stoop to such a level? Was he kidnapped and threatened to do this movie?? Maybe. He should end this friendship favors immediately. RGV is killing his career(remember RGV ki aag?? okay okay don't cry now, it's okay) . Mr Sarjerao walks with his hands on the waist like a Assamese Bihu dancer and ties a bell around his hand which keeps reminding you what to say when people ask “movie achha tha kya?”  The moral tiff between Mahadev and Shivnarayan takes the film to a different tangent and then you lose like what is 20 years of your life. The movie just drags. Horribly long. One spoiler, you are not going to see the true villain till the end, which makes you want to shoot yourself right in the head. The ending was very predictable though I don’t know who is going to have the threshold to hold on till the end. That person will get a special standing ovation and a round of slow clap from me. Promise!!!!

The camera work is pathetic. It moves so much and pans deep into tea cups, shoes, chairs, eyes, foot, toenails, also on every objectionable place in the body. It gives you migraine attacks because the camera keeps moving and makes your head spin for no apparent reason. The fight scenes make you laugh like hell. The item song about sugar girl is irritating and she dances as though she get convulsions by the second. The semi naked mad woman gives a nirvana expression when she is passed around like a plate of appetizers by men. Nauseating.The cuss words in the movie are very less compared to the cuss words I hurled at the screen. The song with Ganesh Acharya made me almost cry. He looks like rotten, darkened Bappi Lehari in it. There are some dirty scenes in the movie with Abhimanyu Singh and the moll girl/slut that makes you throw up; I really wanted to ask for a paper bag in the movie. The surprise package is Deepak Tijori, with only three fourth of his eyebrows and beautiful kajal adorned eyes. The dialogues seem like written by someone with some imbalance in the grey cells with a sole ambition of screwing the audience's senses. There is one which is "duniya mein sirf do tarah ke log hote hai, ek samajhdar aur dusre ch*****". After paying money for this movie, you discover which category you belong to. Sanjay Dutt disappoints you horribly and all you want to do is grab him by the neck, hurl him somewhere and show him Vastav on a DVD. Rana Daggubatti has made an honest effort to save the movie which falls flat on the face. Someway I am going to hunt RGV down, pluck each of his hair out, make him bald and take 300 bucks from him. To tell him what slow pain is and how you feel when you pay for it. Horrible man. He is going to hell for sure.

Final Verdict: Honestly speaking this movie is insanely hilarious in a sadly unintentional way. I’ve never had so much fun in a movie theatre and never have I behaved like a tapoori yelling bhag jaa saale kutte every 2 seconds. (Other cuss words spoken cannot be mentioned here) Don’t watch it even if you are being taken away on a gun point. Dying is better. I swear!!!

P.S (For girls) Rana looks incredibly hot in the movie. Every scene he is on, is a treat for the eyes. Paisa wasool girls (wink wink).
P.S (For all) Anybody helping me to marry Rana Daggubatti will get half the amount of gold that I am going to wear on the wedding day. Thank you.

Relationship-A ship that you voluntarily get on even though you know it drowns you

“Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage”-Ambrose Bierce

Being in a relationship is so clichéd that it takes away every ounce of sense you have. It makes you impractical, insecure and negative. Initially everything seems like the Mills and Boons sagas, later comes the real Pyaar ka Panchnama. Stuff I have written in this post is something that I have observed over my few years of existence and being an agony aunt for my friends. Consider this as my long due ranting about gals and guys who mess up their relationships. THEY PISS ME OFF!!!!!

Disclaimer -The following points contain some harsh hitting truths. Readers addicted to movies like The notebook are advised not to read any further. Also, anybody differing from the stuff written here can go fly a kite :D

Mantal Bwoyz

“The appropriate age for marriage is around eighteen for women and around thirty-seven for men”-Aristotle

Okay I am being a feminist here but I’ll start with the boys first. Sorry to all my friends out there but no matter how much you guys bully me that girls are the combatants in a relationship, I do beg to differ that we are not the only ones.

           You love challenges....only!!!

Yup boys, it’s true. You guys need to chase the girl. You guys are accustomed to rejection so much that anything that comes easy to you is worthless. Until and unless a girl throws tantrums, she is not desirable to you. Classic case is our Archie, Betty and Veronica. In the end the rich snobbish bitch gets the guy. The girl next door stays indoors and just cries!!!
P.S Any resemblance of the above content to the blogger will be entertained with exotic cuss words. Thank You.

         You guys pretend to be insensitive!!!!

What is wrong in crying? What is wrong in expressing? What is wrong in being sensitive to things? What is wrong in being hurt and admitting to it?  It questions your masculinity??? Your testosterones have to be at the surface level to prove that you are the “MAN”. And you hate it whe we cry at the movies. That is not going to change, so go take a hike.

         You have never understood women....you never will...

We have annoying little habits. Yes we talk a lot. Yes we tend to get neurotic at times. Yes we get jealous like hell when you even talk to some girl. Yes we do keep making plans about “us”. Yes we do that because we love you. You guys just call women obsessive if they care and a stone if they don’t. So what the hell are we supposed to do???

         Commitment phobic?

Why do you guys feel we have a gun and a wedding ring in our pockets??? Why do you guys feel we are going to gag you up and force you down the aisle??? No, we are really not always putting ourselves out there and making marriage plans with you guys. We also prefer living in the moment and see how things go. And I am talking about sensible women out here ok? Not the ones straight out of a Karan Johar or Yash Chopra movie.

         Insecurity and chauvinism?

This is the one trait in men that drives me up the wall.  Women are pretty objects and they supposed to be the same all their lives. They can’t have brains. They can’t have a sense of humour. They can’t have career goals. They can’t be a techie or a geek. A woman is desirable if she is smart, but not if she is smart”er” than a man. Then you bring her down by reaffirming the fact that the place of a woman is in the kitchen. But guys please remember there are knives, rolling pin, pans and BUTCHER'S KNIFE in the kitchen so beware when the woman is pissed off and comes out of the kitchen :D
P.S Any guy out there saying that he prefers equality in gender is most welcome to talk to me for half an hour and I will bring out the hidden chauvinist in him :D

         Little things we love J(Sentiness expressed here)

All women aren’t gold or platinum wedding band diggers, my bros. Even a small candy bar makes us happy just because you get it for us. We don’t want you to remember every little detail but we want you guys to remember how much you love us. We don’t want a routine attendance phone call every day. The occasional cute texts and calls when you really want to talk to us make us happy. And no unlike what most of my friends think, women are not going to exchange every gift you give her and get a better one :D Dedicate songs, care about her feelings, and just listen to her when she is mad. Women just need to feel special. That’s all J 

Bawli Chhoriyan

“Women-can’t live with them or bury them in the backyard without the neighbours seeing”-Sean Williamson

Ahhh now the boys are going to love this part. I am so sorry my gal pals, but this is the truth whether you lasses agree with me or not. Hope this brings in some enlightenment for you.

         You want to be a mom or a girlfriend???!!!!!

Yes we all do that. Where are you? Why aren’t you home yet? Why are you smoking/drinking? Why are you with that trouble maker friend? Why aren’t you focussing on your career/studies? Why don’t you get serious in life? Why do you wear that shirt? Why don’t you change your hairstyle? Why do you breathe every 0.2245 nanoseconds? SHIT give them a break!!!!! They get enough of this at home, they need a companion, not a caretaker.

         Marriage is a part of life and NOT the reason for existence!!!!!

Yes girls it’s truly not. Live in the moment no? Why do you start planning the future the minute you start dating someone. It is not acceptable if you keep dropping hints to your boyfriend, show him ring brochures for fun, telling him my 1874 friends got married this year, etc. He is not going to propose till he really wants to marry you so spare yourself the trouble. It’s acceptable when the biological clock is ticking, but not when you’re really young na? Just cut men some slack???  If it’s meant to be, it will happen, so just relax.

     

         The trump card!!!!

Okay I accept it, I have done this cardinal sin too. Women are sensitive, really sensitive. Men gotta accept this truth first. But crying for everything under the sun is not a pretty thing. It’s irritating. It’s ok if he said something mean, men really don’t mean to be mean. So many ‘Ms’. Moving on. Being mean is our forte no? Don’t rant about things he said a fortnight ago. It’s ok. Anything men say is null and void within 24 hours. They have a memory span of a little hamster (not goldfish because it's a myth that it has a memory span of 3 seconds, it's 3 months actually). Use it to your advantage. They pull your leg coz they like you, don’t take out the sword for that. Take his jokes with a pinch of salt and tequila. Pull his leg instead. It will be fun. And please ladies, spare him the horror of gossip. You have gal pals for that no? He really doesn't care which friend of yours got fat, who is spending how much on her wedding trousseau, who is the bitch and who is the bechari. HE REALLY DOESN'T CARE!!!!! 

         Jerk is the love of your life?? Friend zoned the nice guy???

You want true love? You want a nice guy. He is right out there. You friend zoned him because he is nice to you, because he cares for you, he probably even loves you. He just wants to see you happy so he entertains your ranting when you fight with the jerk you are in a relationship with. Grow up girls. Don’t go after jerks. They are simply not worth it!!!! And just don’t fear to walk out of a relationship if it hurts you; trust me there is nothing wrong in being single. You will not be arrested. Be with someone you can feel secure and comfortable with. Be with someone who you don't need to put up a facade with.

         Get a life ladies!!!!

Taking relationships and men as the whole life and not just a part of it is the worst sin women commit. Don't be around him all the time through physical presence or the electronic means of communication. Too technical man. Moving on. It's not necessary to ping him every time you see him online just because you are dating him. And please Facbook has no vital role in the relationship. It's not acceptable to fight over comments, likes and friend requests unless you are 13.  Even men lose respect for you if they are the only agenda in your life, trust me!!! I am not saying act pricey but come on, how difficult is it to get a life and space of your own? A space where your guy is not there? You don’t have to ask him to accompany you everywhere you go na? And if a guy does accompany you everywhere he is a pakka vehla. Dump him now!!!

         Little things matter the most J

Okay so he is not Mr Gerry from P.S I love you or Mr Noah from The Notebook. He is not Jordan from Rockstar (I love him ok?). But he still loves you right???  Just appreciate the little things he does for you. Don’t get judgemental on everything he does for you. Don’t compare. Don’t expect too much. And you will be pleasantly surprised. They may not be the smooth talking heroes straight out of Rom Coms and chick flicks. They are real men. Just appreciate them for their honesty J.

P.S Any questions or jokes about my relationship status will not be entertained :D