Tips for young people to become normal

You are the future of the nation. You are the most powerful resource of the country unless you are an engineering student. Then you are just a goon in making. I am talking about YOUTH. Some tips listed for you people to realise what ”YOUTH”  is not about and help you not behave like something that rhymes with it ;)

      1.       It’s my...repeat after me you little retarded monkeys....it’s not mah...it’s my...

Saying ma for my, just looks like a faux attempt at proving how much you love your mother. Seriously guys and gals, have you never been to a proper school??? Are you so oblivious to the concept of grammar and pronunciation??? (Once again someone says “pronOUnciation” I will slap the shit out of them) Why do you tawk lyk dis? Are dyslexic? Are you blind? Do you just smash your forehead on the keyboard instead of typing? I swear I feel like throwing a copy of The Wren and Martin on your face when I see the mass murder of English language like this.

      2.       You are LOLing...OMGing....BRBing...WTFing...I am boiling....

You have serious issues here okay? What the heck is saying LOL when someone says something funny? Are you a seal? No maybe you are a pig? Laugh no, you numb heads. Why do you have to say LOL?????? OMG ??? WTF????  Please talk to me just once, I will tell u how to say the complete sentence with utmost aghast. It is more liberating you see.

      3.       Pull up your pants....Pull down the top....please!!!!!

Yes please. Wear your clothes the way they are meant to be worn. I don’t care if you’re a Calvin Klein fan or a Rupa chaddi fan. I frigging don’t want to see your Grand Canyon. And girls, I don’t want to either of your Grand Canyons.  I don’t want to see cellulite oozing thighs. I don’t want to see huge bellies and asses bulging out of poor little denim cages who can’t contain them. Even if you have a great body, why on earth are you flaunting it for no apparent reason? There is a time and place for it. Don’t expose inappropriately. Why can’t you dress up like a sane person? Just go full Monty if the clothes bother u so much. Much easier to achieve what you want.

      4.       You look like a crossbreed of peacock and a diseased rooster.

The macaw hairstyles, neon coloured extensions and highlights, the weird facial hairstyles, etc. All this reminds me of roosters who mated with peacocks and produced off springs like you. You look UGLY, HORRIBLE, And STUPID. There it is. I have burst the bubble??? Go frigging get a normal person haircut. Girls, what is with the weird rainbow makeup???? You know if someone hurls a bucket of water on your face you will look like a colour palette that was washed ashore by Tsunami. Get your frigging brains repaired. YOU LOOK UGLY. SIMPLY UGLY.

      5.       What is life without Gizmos??? Facebook and Twitter??? Worth living.....

Bunch of kids with Playstations and Ipads make me cringe to no end.  What the hell is wrong with you people? Haven’t you heard of outdoor games? Do you even know what sky looks like? Do you know how to run or play? Off course you don’t because you are busy moon walking to faux coolness. Yes, there is a life beyond social networking sites. I have seen people going to gatherings just to click pictures and upload them on Facebook or update a status like having so much fun at the party. If you’re frigging enjoying so much, why the hell are you on your smart phone? And for your information, nobody wants to see 347 pictures of the last night barbeque with friends. People prove their love by over mushy picture indulging in PDA and by CHANGING their relationship status. Such a wannabe thing to do I swear!!!!

      6.       Get your act together. Don’t go with the herd unless you are a cow....

Seriously, bitches that pretend to be a storehouse of wisdom will get you shot. If following socialist hotties is your thing, go with Brinda Karat. The worst that might happen then is you will have no friends left. When the hell did Paulo Coelho become the must read author to prove your intellectual chops?  Don’t stick your stupid Facebook and twitter profiles with Paulo Coelho as your favourite author. It just tells me you don’t really read and just bought one at a train station because everyone seemed to have one. Personally, I swear I don’t read books and I have said that honestly on my Facebook profile. And I am not considered a retard because I don’t read.

      7.       Stop giving a damn about the EPL , IPL and also CPL, u might get a GP....never mind....

Nobody, I repeat, NOBODY cares if you’re supporting Man U or Barca. KKR or MI. They’re not YOUR team and their success doesn’t mean that YOU won. No matter how many jerseys you buy from a trip to Thailand or Bandra, no matter how many soccer shoes you buy and wear at inappropriate places.  They won’t pick u in the team.  Enjoy watching the game, get competitive, play football like hell in your REAL life, its cooler. Find some other goddamn purpose in life than tweet about players whose names you can’t pronounce and who you’ve only been exposed to in FIFA 2007.

      8.       Commitment phobic??? So is everyone right?

Yup it’s true. Not believing in love is the latest thing to do. Friends with all kinds of benefits are around so who needs a companion??? Who needs commitment???  Who can actually LOVE someone??? Seriously you idiotic kids who don’t believe in the institution of marriage, you will die alone on a rocking chair with your macaw gelled grey hair and a Blackberry in the hand.

      9.       You booze, you fag and you get stoned every Saturday night? Wow your parents are really lucky!!!!!

True isn’t it?? You can’t be cool if you are teetotaller??? You can’t be cool if you don’t do drugs??? Fagging helps relieve stress??? Hookah parlours need regular attendance from you??? Say no friends. Don’t give in to pressure. Understand what this abuse will do to your body in the long run.

     10.   You are here only because your parents wanted to.

Don’t insult your parents. They may not be a gizmo freak retard like you but they are still parents. They endure your bull shit only because they love you to the core. You will land nowhere if u disrespect them.