Why I would rather die than live in this country as a woman....

I am appalled. I am pissed off. I am in tears. The recent Guwahati incident has exacerbated my dormant rage against chauvinistic and sick men in our country. Not that feminism is a new thing for me, those who know me personally are aware of how strong minded and independent I am.  Time and again I have stood up for myself, friends, family and acquaintances sadly attracting the hate from men. Not that I have ever said women are superior to men, all I am saying treat us equally and humanly.

Rape and molestation has become an everyday thing for us. We read it in the headlines, on almost every third page of the newspaper depending on the proximity of the incident. We are helplessly seeing husbands raping their wives, father raping their daughters, infants as old as couple of days old being raped by sick men, women as old as 80 year old being raped by sick bastards, friends gang raping girl who agreed to have an evening out with them, teachers molesting students who are expected to bestow the wealth of education, doctors raping patients, women in labour i.e. in the most painful and vulnerable moment of her life being molested by doctors, women molested in their work place by superiors taking away the right to be independent and infinite number of shocking incidents. Women are asked not to step out of the house after 7, so what about the rape incidents occurring in broad daylight? What if the protectors turn attackers? What can a woman do in this case? The recent Khap Panchayat decision on banning cell phones and love marriages for women has enraged me to no end. Why can’t she have a cell phone? So that she can’t call for help when 10 men are molesting her? Why can’t she have a love marriage? So that she can be raped by her father in law and 10 other men when she marries a man she hardly knows? The woman will wear whatever she wants. If a women dressing provocatively is an invitation to rape so why aren’t men who are scantily dressed also raped?  And are you saying an infant raped and killed was wearing a cocktail dress or the dalit woman raped and set ablaze was in a 2-piece bikini??? Blaming a woman’s decency for rape is just like blaming the dead man’s provocation for murder. If the rapists were provoked, so were the murderers right? IT IS THE SAME THING. One kills the body and other kills the soul. That is the only difference.

Right from the time a girl is born in our country, she is considered as a liability. Her dowry and marriage expensed drive people in our country to kill them even before she is born or in most of the cases after she is born. Babies as old as a couple of hours are left to die in garbage cans. They are thrown away from hospital windows. The dowry deaths are still prevalent in our country. After marriage, a girl changes her name, leaves her family, goes to a new place, takes up the responsibility of the in laws and still they want money from her??? Why the hell does the girl’s family need to give money? Ladki bhi do aur paisa bhi?  Brides abandoned on the wedding day for dowry is a common thing in our country. Stop giving and taking dowry. The worse could happen is that the girl will happily stay in her parent’s house for a longer time but she will eventually find a groom and not a money hungry trader. Why? Why can’t people join hands and make weddings as a joyous occasion depicting union of two people than a filthy display of wealth for insignificant ill-wishers which makes the family of the girls a scapegoat? Why? According to the NCRB, approximately 6,000 women are killed in India every year because of dowry. Unofficial estimates are as high as 15,000 deaths a year. In other words, between 16 and 40 women die every day because of dowry.

The girls are not fed properly in certain parts of our country. Can you believe that? This is the sad truth of families that make young girls work like maids so that they don’t put on weight and stunt their growth. The fact that women are objectified on the basis of their looks is bringing down super confident and talented women. The obsession with fair skin in our country is putting millions of dusky women into depression.  Why? Aren’t dusky women beautiful? Is a woman only beautiful if she is reed thin and fair? Then why don’t you go buy a mute mannequin from a store and marry her. That’s what the chauvinistic men want, right? Fairness cream ads, anorexic models, weight loss stories, correcting imperfections of your body and face, anti aging products, endowment and reduction packages, and what not. Why? Never seen men being objectified like this? Age makes women old and men mature? Why? Women must themselves have the confidence to chuck off people from their lives who objectify them and be happy with the grace and womanhood she is blessed with.

A strong confident girl is brought down time and again by her brothers, uncles, friend and even her own father. Why? Why can’t men accept the fact that a girl can be intellectually gifted, she can also have business acumen, she can also be a gadget freak, she can also be creative, she can be funny and hell yeah, she IS smart. I have personally been offended time and again by men for being blunt and honest. If men make objectionable jokes they are funny, but if women make such jokes they are supposed to be teased and hit on.  Ambitious and confident women have been bombarded with statements like dekho yaar job hi karlo agle kuch saal mein toh shaadi karni hogi na, ghar ke kaam seekh lo pehle warna sasural mein kaise rahogi, tumhaara toh pati hi tumhe theek karega, tum ghar par rehke bachhe sambhaalo paise main kamaaunga, tumhe naukri/padhaai ki kya zarurat hai pati/pita kama toh rahe hai, and loads of other sentences. I will not buy the fact that these thoughts belong to the rural population of India since every woman I know has faced chauvinism at some point of time in her life.  Stand up for yourself girls. Don’t get bogged down by these chauvinistic remarks. 

Official statistics collaborated Pan India in 2010

Rape Victims

There were 22,193 victims of Rape out of 22,172 reported rape cases in the country. 8.9% (1,975) of the total victims of rape were girls under 14 years of age, while 16.1% (3,570) were teen aged girls (14-18 years). 57.4% (12,749) were women in the age-group 18-30 years. 3,763 victims (17.0%) were in the age-group of 30-50 years while 0.6% (136) over 50 years of age.

Offenders were known to the victims in as many as 21,566 (97.3%) cases. Parents / close family members were involved in 1.3% (288 out of 21,566) of these cases, neighbours were involved in 36.2% cases (7,816 out of 21,566) and relatives were involved in 6.2% (1,344 out of 21,566) cases.

Kidnapping & Abduction

These cases have reported an increase of 15.7% as compared to previous year (25,741).

Dowry Deaths

These cases have increased by 0.1%over the previous year (8,383).

Torture (Cruelty by Husband & Relatives)

Torture cases in the country have increased by 5.0% over the previous year (89,546).

Molestation

Incidents of molestation in the country have increased by 4.9% over the previous year (38,711).

Sexual Harassment

The number of such cases has decreased by 9.5% over the previous year (11,009).

Immoral Traffic

Cases under this Act have registered an increase of 1.0% during the year as compared to the previous year (2,474).

Dowry Prohibition Act

The cases under this Act have decreased by 8.3% as compared to the previous year (5,650).

In India, according to National Crime Records Bureau's i.e. NCRB in 2005 Crime Clock, there is,

§  1 crime committed against women every three minutes

§  1 molestation case every 15 minutes

§  1 sexual harassment case every 53 minutes

§  1 kidnapping and abduction case every 23 minutes

§  1 rape case every 29 minutes

While you are reading this article, crimes are committed on at least 3 women, one woman has been molested, one woman has been abducted and one woman has been raped in India.

And those are only the reported and recorded statistics. What’s more,

§  Four out of 10 women in India have experienced violence in the home.

 §  45% of women have suffered at least one incident of physical or psychological violence.

§  26% have experienced   at least one moderate form of physical violence.

 §  More than 50% of pregnant women have experienced severe violent physical injuries.

These are the official statistics and the crimes against women are highly unreported in our country.

The state wise accountability for crime against women is shocking.  The websites below have a detailed account of state wise crime frequency occurring in a country that is lovingly referred as Bharat Mata. 

Statistics courtesy: http://www.wikigender.org/index.php/Crime_against_Women_in_India,_2010

http://infochangeindia.org/women/backgrounder/violence-against-women.html

I hope this is passed on to every individual out there who is unaware of the atrocities over women in this country and still believes women are worshipped in India.

Cocktail - Perfect blend of Love, Friendship and Fun

What would the desi version of Vicky Christina Barcelona look like? Cocktail is the answer. Not exactly a rip off but the plot looks more or less the same. After the offbeat psychological drama film Being Cyrus, Homi Adjania has attempted a light hearted RomCom flick, which has been pulled off quite well. The seductress falls for the ultimate casanova who is in confused for his feelings for the distressed miss goody two shoes. Sigh.

Cocktail begins with the sketching of the cheesy character Gautam Kapoor (Saif Ali Khan) who is staying in London with his uncle Randhir Kapoor (Boman Irani), who is an equally colourful man married to a British woman. Gautam is the guy your mom warns you of. A guy any good girl would helplessly fall for because of his charming persona. He is goofy, nice at heart, wild, romantic, sensitive and a womanizer. All the wonderful shades of his character are beautifully unveiled in the due course of the movie. Cut to Meera Gupta (Diana Penty), the introvert, desi damsel in distress. She is a victim of being lured into a hoax marriage by Kunal Ahuja (Randeep Hooda), who conveniently abandoned Meera and absconded to London. She is a beautiful, intelligent and the typical girl any mom would want to take home. She comes to London looking for her husband who shoos her away mercilessly telling her he is going to divorce her in a couple of weeks. Enter Veronica D’costa (Deepika Padukone), the ultimate spoilt kid and a victim of neglected upbringing. She is brash, sultry yet pratical. She proudly carries the I-DON’T-GIVE-A-DAMN attitude and throws it on others just like that. One moment you like her and the other moment you detest her, but you can’t escape her charm. She is the girl Mammas boys stay away from. She meets Meera at a utility store’s restroom. Appalled by Meera's husband’s conning her, she takes her home and lets her stay as long as she wants too. There begins a friendship so strong yet so much fun. The camaraderie captured between two people who are poles apart is just impeccable. Gautam enters their life and joins in the fun when he starts dating Veronica. The threesome fun-some have a blast in this “Frenaissance“, with each of their feeling cut sorted in its right place. No feelings or complications until Gautam , who is 32, keeps dodging of the marriage talks with his homely typical Punjabi mom Kavita Kapoor (Dimple Kapadia).  Tired of these never ending questions he decides to fake a serious relationship with the help of his uncle Randhir. Kavita aunty lands up at their house and mistakes Meera to be Gautam’s girlfriend. The mom is impressed and she starts the melodramatic scenes of the typical kada-for-my-soni-bahu, etc. There begins a series of complications and moments of family love yearning where Gautam and Meera fall for each other and on the other hand Veronica is dreaming of a normal life that she can have with Gautam forgetting the fact that they had both agreed to just have a fling. She realizes how much she loves him and how much she wants to be like Meera. The rest of the movie drags a bit and becomes predictable but definitely not boring.

The story is repetitive yet interesting to watch since its portrayal is very new. The dialogues are good but some are cheesy to the core. The songs are catchy and put in at the right moments. Tumhi Ho Bandhu and Yaariyan are the ones you’ll hum along. Background score by Salim Sulaiman is very apt for the story. The styling in the movie is refreshing and trendy. Watch out for a lot of Meera from Cocktail  trend catching up just like the Meera from Love Aaj Kal  trend.

The casting is perfect. All the actors have given their 100 % to the character and the film definitely doesn’t lack anything when it comes to performances. Saif Ali Khan with his endearing performance makes you forgive and forget his last disaster Agent Vinod.  Diana Penty looks fresh and promising but still seems stiff at times. Deepika Padukone, unexpectedly, has given her best performance in this movie. The movie is a pleasant blend of fun, love, friendship and humour, which is exactly what everybody is expecting from it. Give this Cocktail a try, u won’t regret it. J

Rating :- 3/5

When to say goodbye....

The 6 kinds of people you should say mentally goodbye to.....

This post is a random thought that popped up into my mind late night....I have seen people holding on to entities which causes immense pain to them...With saying good bye I don’t mean be a loner, get rid of acquaintances, friends and family and go all out. All I mean is learning to look beyond such circumstances and not include them in your beautiful life...All I can say is learn when to say goodbye....

      1.       Those who constantly demand perfection from you, could be anyone, friend, family or spouse. The family is generally guilty of this folly, though not literally guilty. They don’t respect your opinions, your creative horizons or your individuality. I say, who cares!!! In the end you will be questioned only if your ventures are not a success...Nobody will bother how you succeeded, in any sphere of life, be it love, career or studies. No matter what you do they have a sarcastic remark or a smirking face? You did enough...still not good enough...??? Just say goodbye....

      2.       Those people, who are simply narcissists, can get really annoying. They can be so full of themselves that they never notice that you exist anywhere in their life. The only reason you are in their life is because THEY need you and THEY want you. This person could be anyone in your life...in any of your arenas of life...You are never taken into account for this person.  It’s me me me me me...never you??? Just say goodbye...

      3.       The opportunists are the ones that can be easily recognized but not easily got rid of. These people will know how to use you and every person they meet in some or the other way possible. Just look out for them when you need them and they simply vanish. Once they have got every bit of utility out of you, their job is done leaving you feel used and fooled.  Learn to say a firm NO. Recognize such people and avoid them the sweetest way possible...Just say goodbye...

      4.       Those people who take you for granted because you love them and they know it. These are the worst kind of people. I swear. Worst part is they exist everywhere. They not only hurt your feelings but also bring down your moral. They know you’re never going to leave them, say no to them or talk back to them. This is the best weapon one can use. They treat you like a doormat. They ensure your confidence goes down and you feel horrible about yourself...Give them a surprise...Just say goodbye...

      5.       The negative energy carriers, if spotted anywhere, just run miles away from them.  They are insecure, incompetent and simply not worth your time. They are such party poopers I tell you. These are the kind of people who not only say my glass is half empty, but they also say that I am so unlucky that I got a half empty glass of water that i should probably fill poison in it and drink it. RUN !!!  JUST  SAY GOODBYE!!!

     6.       The players and liars, usually they wreck your faith in love.  These people are by far the most dangerous people ever. They gain control over your mind and then play around with it. You can’t live with or without such a person. They lie, they hide their feelings or masquerade their true self from you. Keeping you guessing and forever on the edge is a worst thing you can do to someone. The moment you decide to walk away they pull you back and push you back in the same pit with complete disregards for your feelings.  Just pull yourself together and walk away even if it hurts like hell...Just say goodbye...