The Thinking Woman's Diary : Wake up calls and what happens when you answer them

"The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

     Chubby, spoiled, grumpy are probably the words my teachers remember when they think about me. Being one of those lucky few who could attend all the years of schooling at the same institution, I am also blessed to be remembered by all my teachers even after a decade of passing out. For other kids, it's usually the first few days of school that seem the hardest to deal with. But for me, it was first few years. I was the only kid who used to sit and cry till the very end of the day whilst sincerely doing everything the teacher asked to do. I used to miss my mother way too much. To make things worse, my poor working mother used to actually wait for almost half of the entire day outside the class so I would stop crying. But seeing her used to make me even more sad. My crying was not the usual wailing and stomping the foot. It used to be real tears of sadness. It might sound narcissistic but i was actually one of the most well behaved kids around (also read, very very cute). My relatives still swear by that! But I would just not stop crying when I was dropped off to school. So how did I cope with it? I would skip school! Yes, it sounds absolutely the worst way but that seemed the most convenient thing for me to do. I have made up excuses of having a pain in my heart to skip school. My family obviously didn't believe and made fun of my excuses but I used to physically feel that pain inside when I used to start getting ready for school. Obviously my mother had pampered me way, way too much (it's pretty evident even today) to force me into going to school. Most of my early childhood was spent in the comfort of my house with my Granny. And the rest of it was spent trying to survive the worst 7 hours of the day in school. I was one old peaceful soul who never wanted to go out and play but was super comfortable making up games in her own little space. Playing all alone. 

As I grew up and accepted the fact that I am too old to cry or be physically lifted and forcefully made to sit right inside the class so I don't run away, I also realized how lazy I was. I would never do my homework. The classwork books were incomplete. My handwriting was and still is beyond pathetic. My mother used to complete all my books. She used to hold my hand and do my homework and when I grew old enough to not do that, her hand stayed and mine moved away. My mother never complained or yelled at me because I used to surprisingly get good grades. My teachers were tired of complaining about my irregularity and laziness to my mother. They maintained one thing throughout that I am a very intelligent child but with a supremely lazy attitude towards life. My mother still feels bad about not being strict enough with me while I was growing up. I was the only child and I was genuinely very loving towards my family. And had a puppy face always ready to evade punishments. As I grew up I somehow had the arrogance of not being a conventional kid who needs to study everyday or even attend school everyday. To make things worse I transformed into this Lord of the last bench in the last 3 years of my school. I made sure I got punished everyday along with my poor friends. I was an absolute rogue who wanted to break rules and do every mischief possible in 3 years that kids had not done in 12 years. Yet, this never actually killed the smart child in me. I was one of those wonder kids who was made to skip one year of kindergarten for being too smart and well read for it. I was that notorious child in the class who never paid any attention yet knew the answer to any question that was asked. I used to give my teachers a lot of reasons to punish yet no reason to complain :)

Junior college and first 2 years of my graduation I was the female version of Sid (from Wake Up Sid, the movie guys!) Utterly spoiled, arrogant, had no clue about what life is all about. My grades dropped to below average. I didn't really have too many friends who could set me right. My mom somehow tried her best to make me a responsible person but I couldn't be just reformed. By then my friends, my family and my teachers were pretty sure I am not really going to be more than an average graduate girl. Who would lead a mediocre life and spend her mother's money. And no one really thought I would have any ambition of my own.

Fate had some other plans though. One massive blow on the academic front due to a serious personal loss bought me to the ground. The academic blow to me was so hard that I actually felt like a loser. Being average still seemed like the best I ever had. That's when I had the wake up call in my life. To understand what went wrong. To know how I need to prove a lot of people who wrote me off as a good for nothing spoiled brat. My arrogance never really left me even when I was beaten down. And even today, the one thing that brings out the best in me is my pride. Probably a wrong way to push oneself but hey, it works for me! Somehow the urge of making every person who wrote me off to appreciate me in the future made me a perfect student anyone could ever have. I used to make my own notes. Study like a maniac. I was sincerity personified. And not being a genuinely bad person at heart, even fate smiled upon me. I managed to gain a lot of respect at a place where I was practically written off as a good for nothing. And yes, I did successfully achieved what I wanted to (More on that part of my life later)

Today I am heading towards a very crucial and fulfilling arena of my life. It took me a lot of patience and hard work to get there. And by God's grace I have landed an oppurtunity that is only due to the hard work I had put in after my debacle. So yes! Everything has reasons! We must have patience and always remember that God's plans for us are far better than our own plans for us. Though I have not lost out too much in life by being complacent but yes my academic profile would have been 100 times more consistently better than it is today :) 

And what prompted this blog post was a visit to my school today. I was representing the NGO I am volunteering for. And I could see my math teacher smiling ear to ear seeing me all grown up and responsible. A child he has punished continuously for 4 years coz I sucked in math. Sadly.....very sadly, I still do....But I will change that soon :D Hopefully! :D

Now everyone can fly, without Red Bull!

With the recent event of a South Asian Airlne service (No, not that one, don’t worry) launching low cost domestic and international flights in India, I am expecting a humongous crowd flocking to it. By humongous crowd I don’t mean Dadar Station, locals will be hellish as always, no good news there. More than the mango people, I am actually expecting a Kingfisher kind of a crowd wanting to avail this on a desperate level. Why Kingfisher, you ask? It’s because we are too snooty to travel in a train and too stingy to travel by Jet Air.  Also known as the rassi jal gayi par bal nahi gaya types.  We as in I include myself as well, are such bitches and dawgs who would come up with jokes even if we are given free tickets on an Emirates or Lufthansa flight. We are so evil that we wouldn't mind paying few extra bucks to travel by Air India only to get some material for humor. And yeah, we will keep doing this. So some of the things that may happen (may okay? I didn't say will) if we go the railways way for flights.

• We will have to start booking for our 2016 flights now. I mean right now.
• We will have 10027 Mumbai-Delhi Up and 10026 Delhi-Mumbai Down flights.
• The only choice of seats would be Cramped up at a window, Cramped up at aisle, Cramped up at middle. (This is coming from a 5’10” girl).
• There will be a Ladies and Senior citizen quota that will not make a difference.
• There will be a Tatkal service that will bring out the Hulk in every Bruce Banner out there.
• And the inner Hulk will smash the keyboard at least once when Makemytrip and Cleartrip will show Service Unavailable after logging in.
• There is a bright possibility of seeing WL2366/WL997 and feeling flabbergasted as to why would someone book after WL100? Height of optimism.
• Travel booking portals will give 50 Rs off on domestic flights and lodges coupons. And still terms and conditions would apply.
• We will be able to successfully book your ticket after investing  5 hours, One pack of Marlboro Lights and a bottle of Old Monk.
• No boarding passes for Wait Listed passengers. They will have to do jugaad with the Airline counter at the airport.
• Instead of tags, we will get stickers sponsored by Bank of India or Vicco
• There will be no limit to check-in baggage, because they are aware that even if they set a limit, we will still carry bags big enough to fit our grandparents inside for a one week trip.
• No limit to cabin baggage as well to allow every passenger to smack the faces of the seated aisle passengers with their big ass bags.
• We will be asked to reach at least 10 minutes before the plane leaves the runway. Those 10 minutes are allotted to buy Bisleri and Filmfare from the aerobridge before we board.
• We will be allowed to carry Milton water coolers and Ludo board game.
• For security checking, there will only be one metal detector present and we can choose whether to walk through to it or not. We are all good people. The plane people know it.
• Once we board our economy level flight of economy flights, we will be greeted by nobody.
• We will hear Khoya Khoya Chand lounge music inside the cabin, or if we are in luck, Hotel California.
• If we manage to get a window seat, a shameless pot bellied uncle would be already sitting there thinking jab aayega tab dekhenge, abhi baith jaata hu.
• If we are sitting near the emergency exit i.e. Apatkalin Dwar, the stewardess will not come and tell us what to do. Because the window will be red with a glass case for a hammer next to it. The hammer would be missing to scare the daylights out of us.
• Once everybody settles in their seats, there will be one stewardess wearing leggings and kurta giving safety instructions.
• The stewardess will give the safety instructions in the regional language. Like, Tumcha seat cha khaali aani varti kaahich naahi. Oxygen level zar kami jhala tar vitthalache nav ghya  OR Ee flight vellathil mungya guruvayurappane villikka, seatinde adiyil jacket onnum illya. Pinne belt ketti vekka, namade pilot number one kudiyan aanu.
• The seat belts would be made of Velcro.
• The stewardess will actually end the safety instructions with this joke “Aage do dwaar, peeche do dwaar, dono nahi khule, toh Haridwar” and then wink at us.
• We shall be asked to switch off our cell phones and all other devices. We will still sneakily use it because nobody will give a damn.
• The flight will take off 30 minutes late and the lavatory will have a queue outside even on the shortest 35 minutes Mumbai-Pune flight.
• In the back of our seat pockets there will be a brochure of airlines with a “wide selection of refreshments” priced 2 Rs less than the M.R.P of course. We can have bread butter and bread jam with tea, coffee and rasna sponsored by Kissan. Meals will be sponsored by Anand Bhavan. Lassi and Chhas by Amul.
• Once you are done the stewards will come to you with Rajnigandha and a tray full of tips that they had put themselves to get the ball rolling.
• The flight will land 30 minutes late by default because it will be last carrier to get the landing permission. We may also have to walk at the runway a little because it may not exactly stop near the aerobridge.
• And lastly, there will be a fleet of attendants who would fling your bags at you from the base of the plane because the stoppage is only for 10 minutes.

Either ways it's going to make travelling easy for impatient weirdos like me who cannot sit quietly for more than an hour. Because you know, Banglaore-Goa for Rs 990 is not bad at all! Too bad this is after the goafest (sorry Indian Madmen).

P. S. If I have offended someone in this post then my job here is done.

Laters!

The Unfinished Embrace

Ayesha sat near her balcony gazing at the dimly lit road. Her deep round eyes had turned red and shallow. It has been a week since she lost the guardian angel of her life, her Granny. Ayesha loved her Granny more than anyone else in the world. ”It was too soon” she mumbled. She gently rubbed the faint white line that ran through her wrist. A line left behind when jewelry or a thread is taken off after a long duration of wearing. Ayesha had taken off the sacred thread meant to ward off evil forces. That thread also signified the blessings of Ayesha’s Ganpati Bappa. She was a believer more than a follower. But she was angry with God for taking her angel away from her. She was angry she couldn't see her for the last time and embrace her for the last time. She couldn't study and didn't have a single friend in college she could share her pain with. But Ayesha was a fighter. “You know you have to be strong when you have no other choice” she thought.

Ayesha lived as a paying guest in a huge bungalow in Pune. A 300 sq feet room with a bath attached was maybe a bit too big for an 18 year old Engineering student.  But Ayesha was very different from a regular girl. She was fiercely independent and intellectual. She couldn't bear the idea of sharing a room with a “bimbo”, a term she used for all her college friends. She had issues getting along with people in general so Hostel was not an option for her. Getting a mini apartment to herself where she could cook, read, study and enjoy a cup of coffee all alone was a dream come true for her. But something was different about that particular evening. It was quieter than usual. It was breezier than ever. That was one evening when Ayesha felt lonely. “Maybe it’s because of what I am going through” she thought.

The room was dimly lit. Ayesha had the usual disappointing dinner from a local tiffin service and sat on her bed with her laptop. The room had minimal furniture. A wardrobe, a computer table, a single bed, 2 chairs and one table with a hot plate and essential vessels. These few things meant the world to Ayesha because she didn't have to share them with anyone. Ayesha got up from her bed and opened her wardrobe to take out her moisturizer. It was the chilly month of December and she wanted to apply it before bedtime. She kept back the bottle of moisturizer at the far end of the wardrobe rack to make sure it doesn't fall off the edge. Ayesha securely locked the wardrobe and checked the latch of the main door. She then switched on the night lamp which imparted a dim glow to the entire room. Ayesha checked her phone, it was way past midnight. “I must sleep now, early morning practicals tomorrow.” She said to herself. Her bed was at one end of the room close to the balcony so she wouldn't feel closeted. She took her blanket and faced the wall, her back facing the rest of the room. She was a light sleeper which made it a usual thing for her to be awake even with her eyes closed.

There was a gentle screeching sound made by the latch of the main door. Ayesha swiftly opened her eyes but she lay still. She was not sure if she actually heard something or it was a state of lucid dreaming. Her breathing had increased rapidly but she made sure not to make a peep. She heard a loud noise of a heavy object falling near her wardrobe. She froze. She just couldn’t turn her back towards the room and see what was going on. She just didn't have the courage to get up and switch on the light. Her bones felt like jelly. She couldn't muster up enough courage to even scream. She could sense a thick cloud of silence engulfing the room. She felt someone’s presence in that silence. The presence kept moving closer to her. She still hadn't turned her back towards the room. She didn't want to see whatever she was feeling. She wanted to scream real bad by then but she had lost her voice to fear. Her eyes were wide open when she felt someone sit by her side. She felt a very strong presence of someone sitting and adding a good amount of weight to the small bed of hers. That moment she realized she is going to die and her mind just stopped working. A few seconds passed by when Ayesha was completely sure it was not an illusion since the weight on her bed and that silent cloud of presence was still there. It seemed very real to her until she felt a hand graze her forearm placed on her hip in a firm yet gentlest way possible. Now the moment seemed morbidly real to her. She gathered all the courage left in her and squealed “Noooo”. And, everything stood still. In the next moment, the presence was gone. The hand grazing her forearm was gone. The weight on her bed was gone. The thick cloud of silence was gone. The room went back to a being a dimly lit breezy space.

Ayesha somehow managed to bring herself to get up and switch on the lights. She first looked at the latch which was exactly the way she had left before going to bed. She then looked at her wardrobe which lay slightly open with the weight of the moisturizer bottle tumbling down. “How can the bottle fall from so far? I had kept it at the end of the rack” She thought. She sat her bed and looked at the side where she felt the weight. Ayesha was a brave girl; she did not create a scene or call up her family living in Mumbai. She went into a state of taciturnity. A tear trickled down Ayesha’s cheek. This was the first time she had experienced paranormia. Everything had gone back to being normal. It felt like the silence after a storm. She thought if it was an evil entity, how it could simply leave the moment she said no. “I was really scared. It could have harmed me. But it didn't. The touch felt very real and yet gentle. Could it be my.....” She thought. “There is no I will ever know if my angel visited me one last time...It will always remain an unfinished embrace.....” She thought.