GYM- A tale of the freak and the feeble

Obviously I have only been to the gyms that are either unisex or for women only so I have no idea about the men’s gyms. Once you reach a gym, you ensure to look your best and have a super confident aura about yourself. At the lobby you ask a pleasant beautiful lady for different weight loss programs and she suggests pehle aapka weight dekhle??? Then you tread slowly towards the weighing scale with a heavy heart regretting every ounce of cheese and every sip of cola you didn’t refuse. And then bang, the lobby ki item makes a scary face. She takes you back to the lobby and convinces you to go for an expensive package by telling you how badly you need it. Then you see how the money goes flying to their accounts coz you weren’t disciplined.  Crap!!!!

And then there is s session with a nutritionist where your diet is ripped apart. Grain by grain you note down what you eat. She makes a face for everything you love and asks you to quit it. Once you are done you go home and start the “diet”. First day seems really easy trust me. You shun all the carbs and sweets from you fridge, later realising it’s already in your tummy :D You start hunting for Quaker oats, green tea, skimmed milk, flak seeds and green vegetables all over your neighbourhood supermarkets. These things are necessary for a balanced diet for losing weight.

Next comes the first day of your work out. You walk in like a legend with your track pants, tee and a new pair of shoes. A full sipper of water and a towel hoping you will sweat like hell. You look out for your trainer, he comes and greets you with a warm smile and asks start kare? Your enthusiasm is at peak, you walk inside the gym area. He asks you to do some warm up first. Easy na? Then you start with cardio, not a problem at all (btw the music makes it so much fun). Once you are walking, your mind wanders and you look around. You see a very fit girl running with her ear phones on, you look away cursing yourself. You look again, you see a very fat aunty sweating profusely and walking on the treadmill. Feeling good about yourself you look around more. There are cute guys doing weights which distracts me the most actually :D Then you get inspired and focus a little more in your workout.  There is a weird rowing machine which looks absolutely stupid to me. I hated it the most. You look like you are rowing a boat in a dry lake and paying money for it. The cycle is fun and the stepper is the best, it burns calories the fastest. Then there are some uncles running like freaks. Looking at them you feel probably they had tortured hamsters in their previous birth and they are paying for it now.

The weights are the scariest part of working out. Some instruments knock the daylights off you.  There are about 39 types of workout types. I don’t remember any of them. Some machines make u sit in weird embarrassing postures. And those squats, you can so not get them right without embarrassing yourself. T he mat you lie down on is not meant to relax for more than 170 seconds. Unlike most of the people, I absolutely love doing crunches :P but u can’t feel u have an abdomen after a couple of hours still...I LOVE IT!!! And btw that big ball is not meant to play “catch catch” with (I was so disappointed).  After the weight session you have to sign your record with the trainer, my sign is actually nothing like what I signed with my post-workout-numb-with-pain hands. Once you are done with this you go home and relax. You feel I am already thin yaar, gym works. And then.......the pain.....your limbs get stuck up, they can’t move. You start walking like a lame funny duck. You have to explain everyone what is wrong with you and then everybody laughs at you *wipes away tears*. You go back to your trainer in the next session, he asks you the exact locations of pains and says pain hona chahiye nahi toh weight loss kaise hoga and all you feel like doing is punching him.

Okay so I am not a gym freak...neither am I a lazy log....I am one of those moderately active people who can enjoy a good diet and works out regularly at home....

So I quit the gym long back and still losing weight in my own way.  Some get used to the pain and discipline themselves. Addiction to the gym is unexplainable. You gradually lose weight and get inspired with all the compliments you get. Some even follow your diet and start joining your gym. All this happened with my mom not me * evil grin*. So I dedicate this post to my MOM!!!! Three cheers for my her!!!

Jodi breakers- DONT WATCH IT!!!!

I chose this disgusting movie to begin my movie review genre of writing because I had to vent out my angst on wasting my time and money for a supposedly funny and “different” piece of crap.

To begin with, the casting falls like a house of cards. A mature and subtle actor of Madhavan’s calibre just can’t pull of this flimsy and coquette character of Sid. Yet somehow he struggles throughout the film to convince his audience. Bipasha looks gorgeous as ever but somehow ends up being neglected throughout the movie. The song bipasha does nothing but reinforces her bad dancing skills, makes her look manly and teaches you some good yoga moves. Milind soman and Dipanita Sharma with their weird macaw and macaw nest inspired hairdos, yet again prove that models can’t act and they make Madhavan look fatter (poor guy). And what is with omi vaidya and vulgar speeches????? I am sick of a character thrown in every film for the vulgarity high for some perverts. I am sure the audience is sick of them too (remember the fat creep in bodyguard????). Along with a vamp ex wife of madhavan, some more characters are thrown in (yawn). Helen makes a special appearance which I would rather keep mum about. It’s the surprise element of the movie no??? My bad.....

The film has the corniest of dialogues, a car is called horny-my first love, doctors arguing in the midst of a surgery, a gay bartender, drunk rambling about kissing and lots and lots of sick adult content.

The songs are melodious but dragged in the movie for the heck of it. The only thing good about the movie is the styling and the Greece locales. Or just go through some travel brochures and vogues that will be a better option.

This film lacks script, screenplay, soul and sense. Give it a miss if u don’t want to waste your time, money and sanity. 

A Mellu gerl that i am...... ;)

OK so i am a mallu...Malayali to be precise (we hate the mallu tag btw :-/)....I wanted to share the typical malayali household stories with all my readers....I am sure most of you will relate with my posts on mallugiri and enjoy reading them!!!!
The first episode :D The typical malayali amma :) (senti one ok??)

Malayalis are one of the rare kind who insist on calling everybody with a veedu peru (household name) which will be appropriate with your characteristics when you were a 5 year old kid. Baby, babu, amini, paape(again means baby), vaave(AGAIN means baby),  kutty(AGAIN means kid), kanna (krishna was called kanna by yashoda maiyya) and the list goes on and on. Trust me you can't pull off these names when you are middle aged. But amma will call you baby in front of everyone...including your own babies :-/ Embarrassing no?
Amma has the right to feed you....ALWAYS!!!!....Amma will not hesitate to feed u curd rice when u say you are not hungry no matter what age you are :) Amma will insist you take science after 10th.....doctor engineer have real jobs no??? or anything to do with a saaftware (mallus take a hint :D)....
Amma will make sure your idli gobbling counter never goes down and it is a matter of huge concern if it comes down from 18 to 15....prestige issue if u lose the puppy fat....u look like a stick is her usual complain :)
Amma will see all the shows on asianet and surya tv....you can watch it with if you love her :P
She is a big fan of mohanlal and has seen achuvinte amma ( a senti mallu movie) minimum 5 times.....
No matter what, a malayali amma can never be strict.....she may be a teacher, a nurse, principle, government employee or a corporate head honcho....excessive pampering comes to her naturally which makes most of the  kerlaites mom devotees :)